you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
