I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
