The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
