Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila