Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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