This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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