You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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