That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
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I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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