Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
