I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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