apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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