glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
