Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize