Yo dont text me then not text me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
