I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize