Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
