Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
