How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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