My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
