It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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