You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize