super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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