if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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