Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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