So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Damn victory sex feels great
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
