Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize