I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
