Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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