God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
