anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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