i jhust puked up my retainher.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
