Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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