She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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