So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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