oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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