At least make sure they are 18
Why
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
