Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just threw up on my dentist
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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