We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
