ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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