Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
