So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
