the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
