Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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