Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
