Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize