The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
