your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Randomize
