well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize
