...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
