K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
