Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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