Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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