Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
