Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
