I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
