I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
