FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
